Friday, 3 October 2014

Anorexia update!

Hey guys, so I have some pretty big news... I've been discharged! I'm officially anorexia free.
I've come to terms with the fact that once you have anorexia you have it for life, I still hear the voices and I know I will for the rest of my life. I'm still not happy with my weight but I would NEVER starve myself to be skinny.

After being discharged for about 3 weeks, I did have a relapse and OD'd on pain killers. The voices were more aggressive than they usually are and they were screaming things like 'you're fat' 'kill yourself' 'you don't deserve to be here' after having them controlled for so long it was overwhelming and I was already vulnerable due to being in a bad mood that day.
I've been put on 30 mg of anti-depressants instead of 20 mg and I'm still on anti-psychotics. I feel like the anorexia isn't the main thing that's bothering me anymore, it's the depression. I know I can get through it but at the time it's so mind consuming and you think you're never going to get through it. I have been admitted to the psychiatric ward at my local hospital and have a meeting with them at the end of this month. I don't want to go, but I know it's what I need to get better.

I have an amazing group of friends that help me out and I couldn't be happier with them! They're truly amazing.
School's not going so bad, I'm having second thoughts about what I want to do career wise and fancy something make-up/fashion related...
I'm going through lots of stress at the moment with exams/ school and all of that stuff, so I'm sorry for the lack of posts but I have some neat stuff coming your way!

That's pretty much it, hope you're all okay.

Lottie xxx